Breathe Cafe

by SiNgUrL

I locked my room. The room was dark because the lights were out.

“We can’t do this anymore. I can’t love you because I love her,” Stefan said before he left me in the park today.

Before I could say anything, he turned away without any reaction in his face. Nothing at all. I was nothing to him because he loved Jane, my best friend.

I kept myself in the corner where I can see my silhouette in the mirror. My tears were streaming down my face continuously as I stared at my reflection in the mirror without blinking. I tried to stop my breathing because when I breathed, it was painful. I could feel the pain.

I could feel a scar drawn in my heart and I could see the pain in my reflection- the pain that no one could define. The pain searing inside me that all I could think of was why?

I love him and he hurt me always. I always knew he didn’t love me but I held on to him hoping that he would eventually love me back even if that hope was vague. I knew he loved her, my best friend but I couldn’t give him away without having the chance of making him feel that I love him. Every day I did my best to suppress the overflowing love I had for him while still showing him how much I care. I tried not to lose myself but here I was hurting and all alone. It was too late.

My world revolved around him, I couldn’t deny that. Everything reminded me of him and with every breath I made I could see his face, the way we touched and the way I believed he could love me back. I was foolish.

He broke my heart into pieces leaving a very deep wound here in my heart and I could feel it – the hole that cannot be patched. I thought I could make him love me. I thought he’d learn to care. But no he didn’t leaving my fragility bare.

No one caught me. No one understood. Everybody left me because I was the foolish one to have believed the vague hope I had.

I gave him three chances… No! I gave myself three chances to prove that I could love him the way Jane couldn’t and it just left me deeper pain searing through my heart.

And here I am crying. My reflection is showing me how I must hate him but I couldn’t because it wasn’t his fault. It was mine. It wasn’t Jane’s fault too. I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. I was ignorant, innocent and selfish.

I felt something beside me. It felt like a book and I decided to throw it in the mirror leaving shards of sharp glasses everywhere and I held one. The light outside was reflecting itself unto it and I smiled.

This is the end of everything. The unceasing pain that I felt for a whole year and that I knew I would be feeling for the rest of my life – my useless life without Stefan. I held the sharp piece of mirror in my hand and pressed it against my wrist. One slash… only one slash and I’d be free and happier without this wound and pain – the suffering.

I did it! I could feel warm blood flowing in my bare skin. I feel dizzy but I was happy. The physical pain was covering the emotional one and that made me smile. It was over. Everything was over. Nothing could hurt me anymore.

Death is the sweetest revenge and the greatest relief that I could think of to save me from suffering the pain of my broken heart.