Breathe Cafe

I sat there under the canopy of our favorite café. I could smell the freshly baked bread and the aroma of the newly blended coffee right by the counter and with it flashed memories of Nick and me in the park in front of the café itself. Nick was my boyfriend for two years and we were happy. He was passionate and thoughtful all the time and those were one of the reasons I easily fell in love with him. He gave me flowers and chocolates during special occasions and holidays or sometimes if he just feels like it. I loved him so much and I gave my heart wholly to him. Nobody and nothing could break us apart and that was his everyday promise which I held onto until today.

My morning alarm clock was off but eventually I would still wake up because he would call and greet me a good morning and tell me how much I mean to him.

“Good morning, hon. It’s a Sunday so I called late as usual because I want you to get enough sleep but you shouldn’t sleep all day so now I called,” Nick was on the other line and it was about ten in the morning.

“Umm… thanks,” I said with that groaning voice of a person who just woke up and was still not ready to get up.

“I’m picking you up, hon… because I want to spend this whole day with you. As you know this week was hectic and I miss you so much already. Let’s have a picnic in the park before another busy week would start and I couldn’t start it without being with you so be ready in about an hour,” he said.

It was like that often. He was always thoughtful, sweet and yeah, thoughtful. Sometimes I also feel tired of him being like that but I love him and I understand why he was like that. He was like other guys who are in love but he’s more open and vocal with his feelings and I’m just lucky to have him.

We were classmates in high school, close friends in college and ended up being lovers before we graduated. At first, I didn’t like the thought that he fell for me and I felt awkward when he was around but when a new girl arrived in the university where we studied flirted with him and lured him into a date, I felt jealous and it was the start of our story.

The longer that I was with him, the deeper I knew and felt how much I love him. He’s my world… the breath that I need to live and maybe if he’s gone I couldn’t survive and continue to live anymore. It was one of my everyday struggles too… having the fear of losing him one day and with that, I’m not ready and maybe wouldn’t be ready enough to face it if that happened. I already found him, my one true love.

He brought my favorite chips and made a special sushi for me which was my favorite food. I was very happy that we get to spend another day together without the stress of work and time. I couldn’t help but feel I was in heaven because that’s what I always feel when we’re together. I always wish that time would stop and I could be with him forever until I die. He’s my life anyway and a day without him is like an eternity of torture because I miss him immediately and sometimes that’s why we fight because I couldn’t control how I feel and get jealous of his own work that I was aware of but after a fight we get more intimate and deeper in love with each other. I was happy, I could feel tears forming in the side of my eyes… tears of joy and I wanted the moment to last.

“Want some ice cream, hon?” he asked me and I nodded with a smile in agreement.

“I’ll get our favorite,” he said as he walked along the highway to get across to the ice cream shop where we also spend much time together for the past years.

I looked up the sky and sighed. The sun was shining brightly and it was a bit windy. I could remember him flying a kite while we also had the same scene and weather in the past. I could just smile while reminiscing those happy days. I just thought that next week if the weather would still be the same, I’ll ask him to fly a kite with me again and I’m sure he would agree.

“I got our favorite with extra chocolate chips, hon,” he called out to me as he walked across the street.

He had a wide smile in his face while staring at me as he approached and crossed the street when I heard a car screeching and beeping. It was about to hit Nick and I saw him wearing his earphones; he couldn’t hear the car coming to him.

Crash!

A crowd of people were around us as the first-aid team carried him to the ambulance. There was blood flooding the spot where we left and he wasn’t moving. He was hit hard. I didn’t know what to do. The car ran away after hitting him. I couldn’t feel my body, I was weak. I couldn’t believe it happened. My tears incessantly streamed down my face and I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t breathe. It mustn’t be happening. I wanted to go crazy. What did I do to deserve such pain? I couldn’t bear it. The only hope I have in that scene was he’s still breathing. I didn’t want to lose him and I was shivering all over. I wanted to be there in his place instead of seeing him like this. We were just having a picnic. I mustn’t have agreed in going out today. This was all my fault. Oh, Nick!

I waited anxiously… he was inside the emergency room. I didn’t know what was happening inside. I was also in a mess… my feelings were mixed up and I felt like I’d end up in a mental hospital if ever he would leave me forever. How about our plans? Our future? The promises that he made? Our promises? How could I be able to live if he’d be gone? Please save him. I didn’t want this. It couldn't be real.

“God! Why? Why Nick? Why?” I said as I stared at the cross in one of the walls of the hospital. I saw Nick’s condition. I couldn’t imagine it but still I’ve seen it. I knew I’d blame God for this if he’d take Nick away from me. Why him? He’s my life… an unbearable pain could cause my death. I didn’t hurt anybody all my life but why is this happening. I couldn’t live without him. I didn’t want to live without him.

“Aunt Elizabeth,” a child called upon me.

“Were you thinking about the story you told me about?” Nick asked. He was a child with the age of 6.

"Don’t be sad again. I’m here.” He consoled me for the hundredth time.

I smiled at him even if I could still feel something inside me that’s in pain. I could remember how the doctor told me that Nick, my one true love was gone forever. My older brother got me back to the south where we originally lived after seeing a shrink regularly for almost a year. I was in deep grief and until now, I still couldn’t forget that part of my life which was now just a part of my past. Nick was a child that my cousin, who also died, left as an orphan. They met a car accident and Nick miraculously lived so I adopted him when he was 4. It was a coincidence that his name was the same as my Nick and it was also a coincidence that he came into my life. He gave me another reason to live because now he lived with me back to the city. I was his parent now. I adopted him. I didn’t know if I could love again but I didn’t need to find someone who would love me. I would just live my life fully with my adopted son Nick.

I stood up and held his little hand. We were leaving the café because he needs to take his afternoon nap. It was a Sunday routine that I play with him in the park during the morning and we’ll go home after having lunch in the restaurant or sometimes at McDonald’s so that he could take his afternoon nap.

“Aunt, I want an ice cream,” he said.

“But you just had one a while ago. One is enough, okay?” I said but he didn’t want to listen. He sat on the cement and pouted.

“So you want an ice cream?” a stranger asked.

Nick nodded. I tried to stop him in convincing Nick by shaking my head lightly to him while Nick was staring at the ground but the next thing I saw was he was already tugging Nick along as they walked to the ice cream shop. He borrowed him for a while and all I could do was smiled.

“I’ll ask them to add extra chocolate chip on top of it just for you,” he said as he looked at me and smiled.

I suddenly remembered that smile and Nick’s (my deceased boyfriend) favorite extra chocolate chip on top of our favorite ice cream. With that smile and look in his face, he felt really familiar to me. Was it a sign for another unexpected story of my life which I wasn’t still prepared for? Or was I just missing Nick again? Maybe I would just go with the flow of things that’ll happen and as of now, I was happy and contented in my life.

I smiled back at him, the new owner of the restaurant whose name was Matt.